Losing my job and falling into an existential crisis was not exactly what I had in mind to kick off my 34th year on Earth. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans.
Just about one year ago, I logged into my work email to find the dreaded HR calendar invite that usually only signals one thing, and, in a meeting that lasted less than five minutes, I was informed that I no longer had a job.
Fairly quickly, I decided to pursue freelancing instead of finding a new 9-to-5. For the first time in 11 years, I would have no biweekly paycheck, no employer-sponsored health insurance or retirement benefits, and no single company to report to. I would give it a year, I decided, and then reevaluate.
To say the past year has been instructional would be an understatement. There have been the practical lessons, like learning to budget on variable income month to month. And then there are the lessons that have kept me up in the middle of the night.
Reconsidering my worth
In the days and weeks post-job loss, it felt like I cycled through every emotion available to me. Worry about being able to pay my bills; sadness about losing my foothold in an industry I worked in my entire adult life; gratitude to the many people who reached out and offered to help; fear that I would fall behind my peers and never be able to climb my way back in; anger at how employers treat their employees, at how disposable we are when management makes bad business decisions; and resolve to not let what I hoped would be a pointless blip affect me too much.
And then there was the dread. While I had been putting off thinking too deeply about the future of journalism and my place in it, choosing instead to focus on planning my wedding, the issue was now being forced. I had material financial worries, sure, but with no kids and a working husband, I knew I was in a much better spot than many of my peers. Existentially, though, I felt quite lost.
I have written a few times about my feelings about my self-described middling career, so I won’t rehash everything here. But I will say: Journalists are prone to tie their jobs—their output—to their identities, and I was no exception. If I couldn’t say I worked at X publication, then who was I, exactly? Would I even matter?
Alicia Adamczyk
The largest and hardest lesson I had to learn was how to deprogram this part of my ego, to decouple my self-worth from the company I was producing work for. And to get there, I had to face up to some harsh realities.
Sure, I was proud of the work I had done at mainstream journalism outlets for the prior 11 years, but hadn’t it also been limiting? Hadn’t I been wanting to write for new publications, to try new mediums, to do new work? Wasn’t it appealing to move into a new phase of my career where I didn’t have someone else dictate my hours, my time off, my income ceiling? Hadn’t I had enough of spending my days tiptoeing around the jerks who took their own career crises out on me and yet always seemed to get ahead?
I may have been scared to lose my relevance, but if my perceived value to others was predicated simply on where I worked, I was always going to be beholden to my employer. Couldn’t I have value on my own?
Just do it
I’ll admit, the deprograming is still a work in progress. But once I started making an effort to get over my fears that no one would take me seriously as a freelancer, I saw that there were so many opportunities available to me.
And while I was used to humbling myself in service to my employer, the next lesson I had to learn was how to take my own career aspirations seriously.
It took time to internalize the fact that I do not need permission from someone else to do the kind of work I want to do. I can just do it. And with the knowledge and skills I’ve accrued over more than a decade, I can do a decent job on my own.
So I have been forcing myself to branch out, and to say yes to things that I might not have felt comfortable doing before, whether it’s speaking on a panel, posting on TikTok, or publishing an essay that could use a little more work. I am not especially good at all of these things yet, but I am proud of myself for experimenting in a way that felt impossible before.
Not everything has been a success—far from it—and, frankly, it is much, much harder to get work in front of a large audience when you don’t have a big media brand behind it. That’s made me reconsider where my efforts are best spent and how and why I am doing what I am doing. Am I offering something truly valuable or simply adding to the noise? Validation from higher-ups and stories at the top of “most read” lists were the metrics I judged myself on before, and it is hard to break out of that mentality. I am still learning about the other ways my work can matter.
Reframing security
Less existentially, there are the more practical lessons. Day to day, my schedule still needs some work. Last summer, I tried to take the mornings slower, to ease into my day over a leisurely cup of coffee and The New York Times Games suite. I was cooking and baking more and felt flush with ideas and creativity.
Soon, though, I had taken on more and more work, and I was up at all hours on my computer, trying to get it done. Not only were my mornings co-opted by work once again, but my evenings often were, too. I stopped cooking, stopped reading books, and stopped seeing friends. A week would pass, and I couldn’t remember what I had done outside of working.
The next lesson I had to learn was how to reframe security. I have been grateful for every opportunity that has come my way in the past year, but saying no is something I need to take more seriously. A couple months ago, I “fired” a consistent client when the job kept growing more and more time-consuming; I struggled with the decision for weeks, because it meant losing a reliable paycheck and access to a wide audience. But the relief was immediate.
Alicia Adamczyk
And if you can believe it, I now have a new income stream that is potentially more lucrative and requires less time. When I worried to friends about quitting that old gig, they reassured me that I was likely to find something better, and it turns out they were right. I just had to trust in my own ability to do so.
Another nice surprise: While I always struggled to save outside of retirement when I had a 9-5, it has been much easier, for whatever reason, when my income is variable. I have not quite replaced my entire annual income from my full-time job over the past year—though I did come close, which I am proud of—but it feels like I have more to show for it in my savings account.
Of course, I am also paying for health insurance, and I don’t have an employer contributing to my retirement. One of my goals for the year to come is to prioritize saving for the latter.
The lessons are continually expanding, and I am continually relearning, reverting, and reaffirming. I do not feel any more certain about what the future holds. But after the past year, that doesn’t necessarily scare me anymore.
-Alicia
Careers in the news
- My friend John Bohn wrote a great piece for Jacobin about his own unemployment journey.
- “It’s always a little disappointing to discover that one’s deeply personal existential crisis is, in fact, in perfect sync with pop culture,” writes Ron Charles, the one-time book reviewer for The Washington Post who also got laid off in the past year.
- If you are look for full-time work, it is scary out there: “Businesses traditionally reserved extensive online screenings for senior roles because of the potential for public embarrassment. Some now vet candidates for every customer-facing position,” Callum Borchers reports in The Wall Street Journal.
- Is the key to security having a “messy” job?
- The old world is dying: “Prestige is a brain worm, and its shape changes all the time. Keep your identity small, and don’t fear starting over. The people who will win are those who can remake themselves again and again: to summit one peak, descend it, and then hike up the next.”
What else we’re reading (and watching and listening to)
- I saw The Invite and The Odyssey in theaters this week, and though they couldn’t be more different in scale, they were expertly paced and exciting to watch. I was rapt for the entirety of both films! And they were both fun theater-going experiences. Do I need to see The Odyssey again in 70mm? -Alicia
- I finished listening to Careless People by Sarah Wynn Williams and boy that was a wild ride. I’ve never wanted to delete my Instagram account more. And yet, I’m still there. If you’re still stuck on social media, too, maybe you could follow The Purse? I promise we post only fun stuff! -Lindsey
- Speaking of The Odyssey, translation is a topic I am really interested in, so I thought it was quite cool that Christopher Nolan adapted his film from Emily Wilson’s. She is the first woman to publish an English translation of the epic, and you better believe that has an impact on her interpretation. Of particular note are the words that the male translators have used for the women in the story compared to those that Wilson uses. -Alicia
- I am a total line snob. (I just don’t get it! The thing at the end of the line cannot be that good! Especially frozen yogurt!!) But I enjoyed this piece by Brock Colyar on the line phenomenon in New York City this summer (and always). Are you someone who likes to wait in line? (Related: Ken and I have a long-running inside joke about a Tom Waits/David Letterman interview about lines. Rewatching this YouTube clip still makes me laugh!) -Lindsey
What’s on our radar
- Lindsey is taking her CFP exam on Monday! Good luck, Lindsey!
- Monday is also Alicia’s birthday! Happy birthday, Alicia!
- Thank you to everyone who reached out about my callout looking to speak with those leaving corporate for freelance work because they think it is the “safer” option right now. I am still looking to speak to someone who has made the decision recently (in the past year or so). If that’s you and you’d like to talk, please reach out to alicia@thepurse.co! -Alicia
Comment of the week
“I also share your feelings about being CFO of your household...I am also the one who carries all of our money responsibilities, worries, stresses etc. It can be a heavy burden. It's helpful to read things like The Purse to feel less lonely in that!”
- Lucy D on Home Economics No. 56: Paying off $37,000 in credit card debt in the Greater Seattle area
TikTok of the week
Alicia talks about the news that Delta is now offering “basic business” fares and United plans to let you pay to keep the middle seat free.
@aliciatalksmoney July 14, 2026: Flying sucks! #travel #money #economy
♬ original sound - Alicia Adamczyk
What else we’ve published on The Purse this week
We’re curious: Is a certain income important when choosing a romantic partner?
Alicia Adamczyk
For paid subscribers: Financial experts answer your questions about estate planning.
Alicia Adamczyk
This month’s Home Ec writer is paying off credit card debt she accumulated due to health problems and a housing emergency.
Lindsey Stanberry
Best money we spent this week
- This was a bit of a spendy week for me! I stopped by a jewelry store I like on the Upper West Side for my annual birthday gift to myself and bought a pretty necklace that is perfect for layering with the one I bought last year. (~$180) -Alicia
- We went to see the Red Sox play the Mets at Citi Field on Sunday, and even though we were rooting for the Red Sox, I bought Freddy a really cool Mets hat ($50). (And then I was a mean mom who wouldn’t let him wear it during the game, LOL.) He’s building quite the collection of MLB hats, and I’m not mad about it, but I do want to figure out a fun way to display them if anyone has any suggestions. (Also, the Sox won in extra innings and it was the most exciting game!) -Lindsey
Coming up on The Purse next week…we will be publishing new editions of Meal Plan and Work History, expert insight on another inheritance reader question, and advice on saving for retirement. Subscribe so you don’t miss it!
