On a whim last Sunday, I started watching Breadwinner, the new Nate Bargatze movie on Netflix. Honestly, I’m not super familiar with his comedy, but I do love Mandy Moore. (Is that a requirement of being an elder millennial? I just think she is a delight!)
While I didn’t go in with any expectations, I’m sorry to report the movie wasn’t very good. And call me naive, but I was a little bummed that the premise was so outdated. It’s 2026, and Hollywood is still making movies about the bumbling-but-ultimately-loveable dad, who can’t possibly be as good of a parent as the mom. I particularly disliked the stay-at-home dad character, played by Colin Jost, who was portrayed as an emasculated loser with no male friends.
My Instagram feed is also often full of straight-to-camera videos of women kvetching about how incompetent men are as dads and partners. One recently went on and on about how husbands don’t know about “the village,” as in, women know we need to have and nurture our village of friends and family who support us in times of need, but men do not.
Maybe I’m living on a different planet, but this hasn’t been my experience. The men in my life are pretty great dads, and they are an essential part of my village. The text message chains I’m on usually involve both parents to help coordinate play dates, school pickups, and other admin tasks that inevitably arise when you’re raising kids. The moms can all go away for a weekend or a work trip, and the dads can ably hold down the fort. Many of my mom friends are the primary breadwinners. I know a few stay-at-home dads; all of them have male friends.
I might concede this is just a Brooklyn thing, but recently Home Economics has featured some pretty rad dads. In both today’s edition and No. 62, the wives are the breadwinners and their husbands are the primary parents. Today’s writer admits it’s been a very long time since she’s even done a load of laundry, and her husband cooks dinner most nights. Plus, she said he’s the one responsible for creating all the holiday magic! I love that!
If Hollywood is looking for new script ideas, maybe we could flip the narrative? I would totally watch a Mandy Moore movie where she is the incompetent parent, and her husband needs to leave detailed instructions on how to manage the kids and the house when he goes on a weekend away with the boys.
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Age: 37
Location: Bay Area, California
Relationship status: Married
Age of partner: 37
About me: I’m a mom of three young kids. I work in tech, and I’m the breadwinner in our family.
All expenses are monthly unless otherwise noted.
Income:
- Your job title/salary: Tech researcher, $245,000 base salary, plus ~$200,000 in stocks. The amount depends on how well the stock is performing (poorly, right now).
- Your monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $13,494
- Partner’s job title/salary: Senior city planner, $145,000
- Partner’s monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $7,100
- Additional monthly income (side hustles, part-time jobs, rental income, etc.): My stocks vest eight months of the year, at different amounts. The amounts vary widely in part given the volatility of the stock price currently, so we don’t plan on this money, and usually use it to pad our savings/personal investment accounts. I always sell upon vest. We also own a rental property in my hometown. After mortgage, taxes, insurance, and paying our property manager, we net about $400 a month. We keep that money in an account for any repairs for that home specifically. It’s not a big money maker, but it’s more of a long-term investment.
- Total monthly income: $20,594 (base salaries only, not including stock vests or rental property)
