Over the weekend, Alicia shared an Instagram post with me from Ramit Sethi about private school that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
Ramit, who hosts the super popular Money for Couples podcast, highlighted a comment from one of his podcast listeners, who pointed out that in “nearly every episode the guests are on the verge of tears when Ramit even questions private vs. public school for kids.... These people are drowning in debt and won’t even consider it.” (“It” being taking their kids out of private school and putting them in public school to save money.)
In the caption Ramit argues that there’s an invisible script that some of us follow without giving the budget line item a second thought. “Good parents pay for private school,” and so that expense is a non-negotiable, no matter how dire a family’s finances might be.
The comments on his post—perhaps unsurprisingly—all drag on private school and/or celebrate public school. “Private school is the most overrated thing on Earth,” one commenter declared. (The comment got 338 Likes.)
As I wrote a few weeks ago, we’re beginning to look at middle schools for my son, and I’m considering adding a few private schools to our list. I went to private school in Cincinnati, Ohio, for most of my education (with a brief detour to a public school for kindergarten through second grade), and, honestly, it was pretty great. I think the education I received in high school was better than what I received at college. My teachers were really amazing, and while I still had to navigate some of the social challenges that come with being a teenager, in general, I feel really warm and fuzzy about those years. (Younger Lindsey might beg to differ, but hindsight in 20/20!)
Of course, tuition for private school in Cincinnati in the 1990s was more affordable than the cost of sending a child to private school in New York City in the 2020s. (Also, it’s still cheaper in Ohio, but I digress.) And I won’t lie: The thought of taking on that kind of huge fixed expense terrifies me. I agree with Ramit when he pushes families to really consider how that big expense is impacting their overall financial situation.
The other thing I keep coming back to with nearly every decision I make regarding my son and his education: What’s the point? What are our long- and short-term goals?
I’m honestly not gunning for my kid to one day get into an Ivy League school. (Another post for another day!) I’m not obsessing over middle schools because I’m worried about him getting into the best high school, which will help him get into the best college, which will help him be set for life. Not to betray my fellow classmates from my high school’s graduating class of 1999, but we didn’t exactly grow up to be titans of industry. Many (most?) of us do not have better jobs than our parents did. (Sorry, Mom and Dad!)
But the teachers at my school made me feel special. And it was a small and nurturing environment where I could thrive. I think that foundation gave me the confidence to become the adult I am today. I would love that for my son.
Of course, public schools have so many benefits, too, and teachers who care deeply for their students and make them feel special. Kids can thrive pretty much anywhere. I fundamentally don’t believe the script that you’re only a good parent if you pay for private school. That’s ridiculous.
One thing that’s not mentioned in this social post is the lengths some parents will go to get their children into so-called “good” public schools, often spending big bucks to live in wealthy neighborhoods with well-rated school systems.
When I couldn’t sleep Saturday night, I got sucked into a different social post, with the screenshot of an anonymous poster who was lamenting the high cost of living in a certain neighborhood in Manhattan, but the desire to stay because of the schools.
As always, I’m so curious to hear reader thoughts on this. Is private school worth it? And, related, why does the school-choice question make people so stressed out?
Please comment with kindness! We’re all just doing the best we can!
