How a Family of 4 in Connecticut Live on $215k Joint Income

Before I dive in: We’re looking to speak with a few teachers about their own back-to-school spending for a Yahoo story. If you are a teacher who would like to be anonymously featured in the next Receipts, reach out to Alicia at alicia@thepurse.co!

Alicia and I are in planning mode, and over the last couple of weeks, we’ve been talking about the types of stories we want to run on The Purse this fall. We keep coming back to the idea that we want to write more about careers, but when I try to come up with story ideas, I have to admit I’m struggling.

I used to write a lot about career development. It was a big topic of coverage when I was the Work and Money editor at Refinery29. That was the height of girl bosses who leaned in, and I wrote so many articles about the gender wage gap and how to ask for what you’re worth. There’s been a lot of criticism of this era of women’s media, but I truly believed every word I wrote.

Fast-forward 10 years, and my career has zigged and zagged. I led editorial teams at CNBC and Fortune before leaving corporate media to launch The Purse. Some days, I feel like the past three years have been one prolonged career crisis. Other days, I feel pretty fucking proud of what I’ve accomplished.

At the same time I’ve been building The Purse, we’ve seen the media industry continue its downward slide, with the shuttering of so many amazing publications and the contraction of many newsrooms. But it’s not just my own industry that’s floundering—it’s happening across so many different sectors. And women and minorities are bearing the brunt of these layoffs. Young people can’t find jobs. Old people can’t find jobs. Tech evangelists love to brag about how it’s just a matter of years before most of us white collar workers will be deemed useless thanks to AI. And last month the unemployment rate ticked down because people stopped looking for work.

All of it makes my anxiety spike. And I’m stuck wondering how we can write about careers without seeming like we’re totally out of touch. But as Alicia said to me yesterday, we write about money during a time when many people are struggling to make ends meet. We need to approach our career coverage in a similar fashion—with equal parts optimism and realism and a healthy dose of skepticism thrown in for good measure. (We also always love to hear from readers on these topics, so feel free to reach out or leave your thoughts in the comments!)

You might be wondering what this long intro has to do with today’s Home Economics, but I think you’ll see the connection once you read the bio, where the writer describes herself as an underemployed lawyer, and later in the piece, where she talks about her career anxiety and the future of her employer. She, like many moms, is trying to figure out how to balance her desire to spend time with her kids with her desire to build her career. It feels increasingly untenable. Maybe we need more stories of women who have figured out the secret?

Is this a good time to drop in a callout for future editions of Home Economics? It’s been a minute since we’ve gotten a new submission! You can fill out the form here.

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If you’d rather fill out a Google doc than the form, just reply to this email, and I can send you one. And remember: If we publish your Home Economics, we’ll give you a six-month paid subscription to The Purse as a thank-you.

Okay, enough from me! On to today’s entry! It’s our first from Connecticut!

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Age: 38
Location: Suburban central Connecticut
Relationship status: Married
Age of partner: 37

About me: I live with my husband and two young kids in suburban Connecticut, in the town where I grew up. I’m a somewhat underemployed attorney working for a small firm. In my ideal world, I’d be a part-time attorney. Since that doesn’t seem to be an option, I stay in this job where I work about 35 hours a week and rarely bring work home with me at the end of the day.

All expenses are monthly unless otherwise noted.

Income:

Your job title/salary: Attorney (partner at very small firm), $65,000 base pay plus unscheduled bonuses
Partner’s job title/salary: Attorney (partner at small firm), $117,000 base pay plus fairly regular bonuses resulting in average annual income around $150,000
Your monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $4,225. In the first few months of the year, I max out my retirement contributions, and nearly my entire paycheck goes to my SIMPLE IRA.
Partner’s monthly take-home pay (paycheck amount after taxes and other deductions): $6,750
Additional income: We receive annual gifts from my husband’s mother. Last year, it was $38,000. We don’t count this into our monthly budget, because it’s not guaranteed.
Total monthly income: $10,975

Account balances:

Checking account balance:
- Personal checking: ~$14,500
- Husband’s checking: $27,500
- Joint checking: $9,000
High-yield savings account balance: Current APY of 3.1%
- Personal savings: $28,300
- Husband’s savings: $45,000
- Joint savings: $9,500
Monthly contribution to savings account: We don’t have a preset amount that we move to savings every month. We make occasional transfers from checking accounts once balances get “too high,” and we realize we should dump some excess into savings for a better interest rate. I have more in my checking account at the start of the year (around $25,000) when I’m front-loading my retirement account. My husband tends to keep more in checking than I do.
Retirement account(s) balance:
- My Roth IRA: $132,000
- My SIMPLE IRA: $162,000
- Husband’s Roth IRA: $91,000
- Husband’s 401(k): $524,000
Monthly contribution to retirement accounts: I max out my SIMPLE IRA each year by deferring nearly all compensation for the first few months of the year until I hit the contribution limit. My husband’s contributions to his 401(k) are more regular, but amounts have varied over the last few years (between $4,000 and $20,000 a year). We both contribute to Roth IRAs if there’s “extra” money throughout the year to throw at them.
Investment account balance:
- My brokerage: $88,000
- Husband’s brokerage: $25,000
Monthly contribution to investment accounts: We don’t make regular monthly contributions to investment accounts.
529 account balance: $12,000 across two accounts for our kids
Monthly contribution to 529 account: We’re no longer contributing to the 529s we set up because my husband’s mother opened 529s for both of our kids, and she’s gifting up to the annual exclusion amount to each account every year (currently $19,000 per account).
HSA balance: $63,000 (me), $69,000 (husband)
HSA contribution: We max out our individual HSA accounts each year, but I do so in a lump sum each January, while my husband’s comes out of his paycheck every two weeks.
Emergency fund balance: We consider our savings account to be our emergency fund.

Total in checking, savings, and investment accounts: $1,299,800

Housing:

Size of your home: We live in a three-bedroom, two-bath, 1,700-square-foot house.
Mortgage: $1,660, including escrowed property taxes
Current home value: $415,000
Current mortgage balance: $152,000
Year you bought your home: 2016
Price you paid for your home: $260,000
Mortgage interest rate: 2.75%. We refinanced in 2020.
How much was your down payment? We put down 20% ($52,000).
How long did it take you to save for the down payment? It took me about two to three years to save up the down payment. I was able to live with my parents, and I wasn’t paying rent. My husband was also saving money during this time, though he was paying rent. (We weren’t living together.)
Did you have any family help buying your home? My husband’s parents gifted us $10,000 toward the down payment.
Property taxes: $430 (included in our mortgage payment)
Home insurance: $133
Electricity: $140
Water: $36
Natural gas: ~$95
Cell phone: Mine is $32; my husband’s phone is paid by his firm.
Internet: $60
Housekeeper: $165 for one cleaning every 3 weeks
Gardener: $350. This is the monthly average, and it’s so high because over the last few years, we’ve been doing a lot of work trying to rehab our yard and garden. We had to do a full excavation of our old garden and had the lawn reseeded. We also had the yard guy do spring and fall cleanup. I’m hoping the amount we’re spending will go down in the future.
Maintenance: On average we spent about $160 a month on miscellaneous home services last year, like plumbing work and HVAC servicing. But we don’t have a recurring cost or fee.
Trash and recycling collection: $36

Transportation:

Car payment: I paid for my car with cash. My husband has a car loan with a monthly payment of $200.
Car insurance payment: $228
Gas: I drive an EV, but my husband spends about $100 a month of gas (about two tanks a month).
Car maintenance: $60 (me); $100 (husband)
Parking: <$10
Monthly public transportation: We don’t regularly use public transit.
Ride shares (Uber, taxi, etc.): N/A

Children:

Number of children and their ages: We have a five-year-old and a three-year-old.
Day care: We spend $2,000 a month for both kids to attend a nonprofit daycare full-time. The tuition includes lunch and snacks. We got lucky getting a spot, sight unseen, during Covid. This amount will go down when our five-year-old starts kindergarten in the fall.
Nanny: N/A
After school: N/A
School tuition: N/A
Babysitter: N/A. We tend to do day dates while the kids are at daycare. Our families are nearby, and sometimes they’ll help out if we have an evening event. But we’re generally indoor people after bedtime.
Extracurricular activities: $100 a month for swim lessons for both kids, soccer for the oldest, and occasional museum visits
Other: We average $200 a month for kid clothes, toys, books, and supplies (likely less going forward now that we’re out of diapers).

Debts:

Student loan total balance: None. Both our parents paid for our undergraduate educations. My husband’s parents also paid for his law school. I paid for law school with a mix of working, savings, and grants. I took out a small loan (about $17,000) and was able to pay it off pretty quickly after graduation because I was living with my parents rent-free.
Credit card balance (if you carry a balance month to month): We pay off our balance each month.
How much do you spend on your credit card(s) each month? Around $5,000 across all cards, but that can vary significantly.

Food:

Groceries: $700. I do all the cooking, and we eat all but one dinner at home each week. When I grocery shop, I buy food for dinner, my lunches during the week, the kids’ weekend lunches, and most breakfasts. I tend to shop at what I think of as the second-cheapest grocery store in town, and we’ll go to the farmer’s market occasionally.
Dining out: $600. My husband gets lunch out every day at work, which accounts for $200 of this budget. We probably spend another $200 (or more) a month on weekly family visits to local coffee shops for breakfast.

Socializing and Entertainment:

Subscriptions (streaming services, magazines, etc.): About $75, which includes several streaming services, a couple of apps my husband subscribes to, The New York Times and The New Yorker.
Memberships (museums, etc.): None
Movies, concerts, other events: None
Entertaining and socializing other: Last year, we averaged $90 a month on costs related to hosting kids birthdays, buying costumes for Halloween parties, etc.
Hobbies: $10 a month for road race entry fees (me); my husband spends about $30 a month on internet-based gaming and card games.
Travel: About $4,000 on two long weekends for our family, one to New York City, one to New Hampshire. I do think this number will go up in the future (our pre-kid travel spending was much higher), as the kids get older and we can travel more easily.

Miscellaneous:

Clothing: $80 (me) and $30 (husband)
Home supplies: $140
Exercise: I used a fitness app that someone gifted me a subscription to.
Personal and self-care (haircuts, manicures, massages, etc.): $10 (two no-frills haircuts per year for me), $15 (haircuts for the kids every two to three months), $12 (husband haircuts every couple months)
Pet expenses: $110 for all expenses related to our dog
Pet insurance: None
Donations: $50
Tithing: N/A
Gifts: $225

Insurance:

Life insurance: $50 (me) and $60 (husband) for two term policies
Health insurance: Our health insurance is paid by my husband’s firm; we don’t have dental or eye insurance, so we just pay for those out of pocket.

Total monthly spending (includes annual expenses divided by 12): $8,485

Tell us more:

What are your top financial priorities? Long-term security, especially if either of us loses our jobs or retires early. We hope to retire in our early to mid 50s.
How do you feel about your current financial situation?
I feel incredibly privileged, especially with annual gifts we’re receiving from my husband’s mother. Her desire to begin the transfer of assets during her lifetime has allowed us to do things we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford, like renovations to our house.
How is your financial situation or approach different from 5/10/15 years ago?
Today, we are less rigid about scrimping and saving because we have a good financial base, we continue to live below our means, and we have the added benefit of regular financial gifts from my mother-in-law (which only started in the last couple of years). We are frugal in many ways, trying to resist the hedonic treadmill, but we let ourselves indulge a bit more today than when we were starting out.

I come from a family where my dad was very careful about his spending, and he instilled that in me. For years, I always bought the cheapest brand, and almost any spending felt like a splurge. These days, I almost feel embarrassed about how much we spend at the coffee shop every Saturday morning. It’s required a loosening of the reins, mentally. But we have a good safety net, our retirement outlook is good, and the trips to the coffee shop make us happy. It’s the kind of thing I’ve just tried to let go and say this is a good thing.
What are your money stressors?
Possibly losing one or both of our jobs in the future. My husband and I both work for small law firms with aging partners. The legal industry is very competitive, and neither of the firms we work for looks like it did when we first joined. There’s a real possibility that there will be mergers or the firms will close in the next 10 years. I think short-term unemployment or some sort of more dramatic career change is conceivable.
Do you expect to receive (or have you received) an inheritance from a family member?
Yes. I received about $11,000 from my grandmother’s estate when she died recently. My husband is an only child, so he will inherit his mother’s estate someday (a topic they’ve discussed). It will be sizable.
Do you receive any financial support from your family?
We began receiving annual lifetime gifts from my husband’s mother a few years ago after the death of her husband. She gives us a cash gift up to the annual gift exclusion rate (times two), plus she makes contributions to our kids’ 529 accounts. We each had some or all of our education paid for by our parents, so that we had minimal (me) or no (husband) student loans. I lived at home for three years after getting my first full-time job, without paying rent, which allowed me to save for a down payment on a house. I also received my first car (~$5,000 value when transferred to me) as a gift from my parents. My husband also received his first car as a gift from parents. Suffice it to say, we’ve been immensely privileged!
Do you financially support any family members beyond yourself and your nuclear family? No.
How do you and your partner split your finances? How did you decide to go that route?
We keep our finances separate, but we each contribute a percentage (currently around 80%) of our net income to the joint checking account each month, where joint expenses are paid. This percentage-based system has helped keep things feeling fair as our incomes have diverged over time. The amount we each contribute to the joint account has gone up or down (but mostly up) as needed to cover joint expenses.

We’re both a little wonky when it comes to numbers, and we have very similar approaches to our finances, spending, and saving for retirement. Roughly once a year, we re-evalulate how much we’re each contributing to the joint account, and the rest of the time, I manage the day-to-day budgeting.
What are you willing to sacrifice to meet financial goals?
It doesn’t feel like we sacrifice much. We aren’t interested in upscaling our lives very much. We are pretty content living in our current 1,700-square-foot house; driving our reliable, no-frills cars; and trying to lead sustainable lives. I’ll note, again, how privileged we’ve been to get to a place where we feel very stable.
What are you NOT willing to sacrifice to meet financial goals?
Health, safety, family. I’d rather earn less and have more time with my family.
Tell us about one financial accomplishment you're proud of.
I’m proud of how we’ve kept fixed costs low by living smaller than our financial situation would allow, leaving us lots of room to prioritize retirement savings in the early years, when the impact is greatest.
What is one financial goal(s) you still want to achieve?
I want to feel financially independent so that I don’t NEED to work but can do so purely for the satisfaction it brings. I know I would be adrift without some kind of work, but I would love to be able to leave a 9-to-5 job.
What do you regret spending your money on the most?
I don’t have many financial regrets. I feel bad about how much we’ve spent on landscaping over the last few years given the still-mediocre state of the yard.
What is one thing you spend money on that makes your life better?
Our house cleaner!
What is one thing you spend money on that drives you crazy?
Landscaping. I feel like I should be able to do most of it myself for so much less cost, but I lack both the time and the know-how (or at least I haven’t been able to do it so far).
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I don’t go more than a few days at a time without recognizing how lucky we are to have such financial stability and good fortune at a time when so many are struggling.