My 92-year-old grandmother was one of the first women to get her own Amex

Lindsey here! We have something a little different this week! Friend of The Purse Rachel Lipson writes The Point, a wonderful and useful newsletter all about how to use credit card points to fund travel. (I personally love her travel guides which are very family focused!)

Rachel’s grandmother Nancy Kalef was among the first women in the U.S. to get a credit card in 1974 following the passage of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act. Before the ECOA, women had to have a cosigner—typically their husbands or dads—when they applied for any type of credit product, whether it was a mortgage, loan, or credit card. Nancy is 92, and Rachel recently asked her about her experience signing up for that card. We’ve reformatted the interview as an “as told to” with some light editing for clarity.

I was born in 1933. After one year of college, I decided to get married. I was almost 19. We moved out of Detroit, and my husband was the typical man who ran the whole show. I never knew any different than to expect that he would make all the decisions.

Two years after we married, we had a daughter. My husband was employed by the government and made a good living. I never had any money of my own—I had to ask him for money to buy lipstick. I did not work. Women were expected to stay home and take care of their children.

In 1959, we moved back to Michigan, and I decided to get a job. By then, our daughter was in school, and I worked from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. so I was able to be home when she got out of school. I still had no control over any money. I didn’t have any say in our spending. We did have a home and I did have input in decorating the home, but I did not have money of my own to go out and spend as I wished.

I don’t believe any of my friends worked. Actually, I didn’t have all that many friends because my husband was very controlling.

When we moved back to Michigan, we were in a lot of debt. It probably was a couple thousand dollars, but that was a lot of money back then. I finally opened my mouth and said I would not live like this any longer. I started paying back money we owed people a little at a time. I got us out of debt and paid every penny we owed.

In 1973, when I was 40, I decided I couldn’t live under such control any longer. My daughter was 19 years old and in college. I was working and making decent money. I still didn’t have any money of my own. But I was paid every two weeks instead of once a month. I would cash my check and give two weeks’ worth of money to my husband and save an extra day’s worth of a paycheck in a bank account he didn’t have access to. I don’t think the balance ever got over $500.

I was working for a builder that was building a new apartment building. I asked him about moving into an apartment in the new building by myself, and my bosses were kind enough to give me six months free rent. That’s when I decided that I could live on my own.

At this time, my daughter decided she wanted to get married. I knew that if I got a divorce, it would be so disruptive to the whole family. I shut down my feelings and waited until after her wedding before I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He did not want it. He thought he was being a wonderful husband.

I had one more hurdle to live through. It was Passover, and I didn’t want to disrupt the family during the holiday. About two days after the holiday was over, I said I wanted a divorce and I moved out, taking only the bare necessities and my clothes with me.

I moved into my own apartment and breathed a sigh of relief. I started taking care of my own expenses. By then American Express was advertising credit cards, and I felt like I should have one.

I applied for the American Express card and was promptly turned down. Their response was that I had to have my husband cosign. I said I was divorced and making my own living and paying all my bills on time. I was quite indignant as I talked to them.

I felt as though I could stand my ground with American Express because I didn’t have any debt, and they had no reason to refuse my business. Part of being single was my finding myself. I was successful with my job and starting to feel like I was worthy of my word.

It was risky and unusual for a woman to stand up for her rights at that time. However, things were changing. Women’s rights were starting to be talked about openly. I guess I thought I was just being part of that group of women, and that it was OK to speak up.

When I finally received my card from American Express, they gave me a $500 line of credit that I could use. Since I was coming from a place of nothing, I was pretty proud of myself.

It was very important for me to have a feeling of independence—especially financial independence.

I was, and still am, very aware of the money I spend and how I pay for things. These days, I have a $6,200 line of credit. I’m very happy with it and don’t need any more. I have always paid my bills on time. It gives me great satisfaction.

When I remarried, I made it very clear that I wanted my money and our money! When I was actively working, I used to put a generous amount of money aside for our travels. We both were open about our incomes and how we were spending. We do to this day, 46 years later. I still have my own Visa and bank account. My husband is on both accounts and I’m on his accounts. I am so grateful that both my husband and I have a healthy respect for money and finances.

I would tell anybody, single or married, that they have to plan for the future.

-Rachel

The Equal Credit Opportunity Act in the news

In 2024, to mark the 50th anniversary of the ECOA, Tory Burch wrote about when her mom, Reva Robinson, got her first credit card in 1974. Burch also points out the many ways women and minorities still trail behind white men financially, especially when it comes to access to venture capital.
In the ’70s, activists turned to women’s pubs like Glamour and Ladies Home Journal to encourage women to share their stories of financial discrimination. Hundreds of women wrote in, including one who said her bank required her to have a doctor’s note confirming she was on the pill before her real estate agent would take her to see houses to buy.
While some might argue that the kind of financial discrimination women and minorities faced before the passage of the ECOA is just a distant memory, there have been several big lawsuits against major financial institutions over the past decade. Most recently, in 2021, Citi was accused of discriminating against Armenian Americans.
Unfortunately, the ECOA is under attack by the Trump Administration. The Consumer Financial Protection Board (CFPB), which is supposed to protect consumers, wants to narrow how it enforces the law. MarketWatch has a very clear-eyed, mostly jargon-free review of those proposed changes, which include revising the definition of what constitutes legal discrimination.
What’s happening over at the CFPB is really upsetting. This New Yorker article from earlier this spring sums it up.

What else we read (and watched and listen to) this week

NYT investigative journalist Jodi Kantor recently spoke in Brooklyn about her new book How to Start, which addresses the challenge newly minted graduates are facing while looking for a job in the age of AI. The premise of this very short book (go read it!) is that meaningful work can be found at the crossroads of need and craft. -Rachel
I unintentionally fell down a rabbit hole of “boy mom” discourse this week after Stephanie McNeal shared a snippet of Jenny Mollen’s viral essay on Instagram. Mollen’s essay had the attention-grabbing opening line, “Call me old-fashioned, but I only want my sons to marry women with dead mothers.” Lukewarm take (lol), but I thought her essay was funny in a sick way and oddly sweet, and honestly, I enjoyed reading something that was a little weird and boundary pushing. But I also appreciated Stephanie’s response piece, where she expressed some of the anxieties I also feel about raising a boy in 2026. To tie this all up with a bow, I’ll include a link to Amil Niazi’s reel with her take on raising boys. -Lindsey
I’ve been rewatching Sex and the City—there is no better time capsule of the late-’90s/early-2000s downtown Manhattan. So much footage of taxis, smoking in bars, life before cell phones, and unreasonably long walks in heels. -Rachel
It’s been pretty dispiriting to watch Bari Weiss and her hatchetmen destroy 60 Minutes and CBS’s credibility over the past week or so. The billionaire takeover of our news media has been such an unmitigated disaster. Wonder what beloved institution they will destroy next. -Alicia

On our radar

Another solar eclipse is coming on August 12! The day after the last eclipse, I coordinated a home swap in Iceland and booked the flights with points so we could be in the path of totality this time around. -Rachel
Chris and I are celebrating our first wedding anniversary this weekend! Hard to believe it’s already been a year. -Alicia (Happy anniversary, you crazy kids! Your wedding was a highlight of last summer! -Lindsey)
Alicia needs a couple more DINKs (dual income, no kids) to feature for a story for Yahoo on weekend spending. If you fit the bill, and you’re interested in participating, reach out at alicia@thepurse.co!

TikTok of the week

@babylist
It's not just you. Childcare costs are putting pressure on parents everywhere — and some of us are making decisions based on vibes instead of numbers. Don't let back-of-the-napkin math force you out of the workforce if that’s not what you want. Childcare is an investment in your family's future. And once you see it that way, everything changes. Link in bio to listen
♬ original sound - Babylist

The second episode of Family Money is out! Check out my conversation with Farnoosh Torabi and Corinne Low on why child care is so dang expensive! -Lindsey

Comment of the week

As someone who also hates spending so much on healthcare, consider adding a direct primary care doctor (we are in FL and we pay $2,000 a year to cover my husband and myself).

We pay the monthly fee and all visits are covered. They run Rx and labs through our insurance, but it is so convenient being able to text her when we are sick and need a Rx. Or need an update on an existing Rx. It just makes the whole process enjoyable vs a pain.

Also, it essentially pays for itself after a trip or two to urgent care visit, as the poster mentioned. Not to mention all the hassle of spending hours in the waiting room. And they often have discounted family plans. If you are on a HDHP, I highly recommend!

- Sharon on “Home Economics No. 53: Breadwinning mom living on severance and looking for work after losing a $300k job”

What else we published on The Purse this week

Purse readers were up to lots of fun stuff in May.

Lindsey’s recap of May at The Purse and reflections on launching our new podcast with Babylist!

Plus: The second episode dives into the cost of child care—and why you should reframe it as an investment in your career.

The Purse turned 3!

Best money we spent this week

I got my tween son a ticket to fly solo to visit my parents in Detroit after school gets out next week. When you live in a different state than the grandparents, one-on-one time can be hard to come by. We try to send our kids on their own once a year so they can have that time together. -Rachel
Phoebe Bridgers has been playing surprise shows across the U.S. ahead of the release of her new album, and she finally made it to NYC with a performance at Madison Square Garden on Thursday. I signed up for tickets (they were priced between $1 and $20, with proceeds going to the Immigration Bond Freedom Fund) not thinking I’d actually get selected, but I did! ($40) -Alicia
Ken and his band, Be Decent, have been busy recording their first album over the last six months, and this week, I handed over my credit card so he could pay the vinyl presser! (The presser is based in Canada, and somehow I’m the only one in our relationship who has a credit card that doesn’t charge foreign transaction fees!) They should have physical copies on the records later this summer! -Lindsey