Yesterday was my birthday (woo-hoo!), and so this is just a little reminder that we’re having a big sale on annual subscriptions right now for my birthday month. Until November 30, you can get an annual subscription for $45.60 (usually it’s $80), and we’ll be donating $5 from every new annual subscription to a food bank. Thank you to everyone who has already upgraded!
Hi, my name is Lindsey, and I benefit from boomer lifestyle subsidies.
Over the course of my adult life, I’ve been incredibly privileged to receive financial and emotional support from my parents. They’ve helped me in so many big and small ways, from paying for my college education to providing so much free child care.
In general, I’m pretty open with my friends on all kinds of money-related topics—sharing the details of everything from our salaries to the cost of babysitters. But there’s one thing that never seems to come up over drinks: who’s getting financial support from mom and dad.
This might be one of the last truly taboo financial topics. And I get why people might be shy about this subject. It’s a lightning rod that brings up all kinds of feelings. Just take a peek at the comments on the New York story “How Many New Yorkers are Secretly Subsidized by Their Parents?” In the article, 14 people who receive a wide range of parental support “came clean” and (anonymously) opened themselves up to all kinds of criticism. The feedback was way harsh.
“This is nauseatingly disgusting. Shouldn’t these people be ashamed of themselves?” one commenter wrote. “I would not have my daughter be friends with Trump supporters or those who can’t stand on their own two feet,” another chimed in. And while I don’t really understand the connection between parental support and MAGA, the general sentiment is loud and clear: Adults who receive financial support from their parents are losers.
And yet, the reality is that most of us are receiving some help from mom and dad. AARP released a survey in August 2025 that found “75% of parents are financially supporting at least one adult child (age 18-plus).” And it’s not just because they have to: “42% do so primarily because they want to help.”
If the majority of us are enjoying a baby boomer–subsidized lifestyle, why are we so grumpy about it? What else are our parents supposed to be spending their (extra) money on?
I feel so grateful for the support I’ve received from my parents, and I know I’m damn lucky. And now that I’m a mom, I feel a deep desire to be as generous as they are. I want to give my son the world, providing him with every opportunity I enjoyed growing up. I can’t think of a better way to spend my money than ensuring he has a wonderful life. And I don’t think that will change the day he turns 18. Or 21. Or 45.
The Myth of the Self-Made Man
We’re very hung up on the morality of money in the U.S. And it bugs me that we’re so obsessed with this myth of the self-made man and the idea that the only way to truly be successful is to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and never take any help from anyone—especially not your family and never, ever, ever from the government. (Unless, of course, you’re a billion-dollar corporation cashing in on tax cuts and lining up government subsidies. In which case, help yourself, you brilliant businessman!)
All this moralizing about money and insisting that we’re only supposed to support our children from birth to 18, and then they must leave the nest and make it on their own, just seems so lonely. We should be encouraging families to have tight bonds and share resources throughout their lives.
Working on Home Economics, I often see how life-changing some parental support can be. I’m not just talking about cash, though that’s certainly helpful.
There was the 40-something single woman in Brooklyn who was able to move back home and prioritize paying off debt. In L.A., a woman’s mom splits the cost of her vet bills. A family in Florida received an inheritance from their grandfather that allowed them to pay off their mortgage and gave them enough of a financial cushion that the husband could pursue a career change. And in Maryland, one woman wrote of how her in-laws come over on Saturday nights to help care for her child with disabilities so she and her husband can simply take a walk together.
As I was putting together the survey for Home Economics, it was important to me to include a question about whether the contributor receives (or has received) any parental support, because it does change the name of the game. Someone whose parents paid for college is not on a level playing field with someone who had to take out loans. It becomes a lot more clear why someone can afford their lifestyle once you understand how some parental support might be factored in.
What strikes me about these Home Ec stories of adults receiving support from their parents is that we’re not talking about the 1% handing down millions to their heirs. These are middle class families sharing resources, and frankly, I find it heartwarming. None of these women come across as entitled—if anything, they go above and beyond acknowledging their privilege and downplaying the impact of the support, as if to reassure readers (and themselves) that they could, in fact, stand on their own two feet.
Surviving, Thriving, and Flourishing
Perhaps that’s one of the biggest challenges of the parents-supporting-their-adult-children conversation: the fear that everyone involved will look like a failure. The parents have failed to raise self-sufficient kids, and their adult children have failed to live independently.
The “failure to launch” narrative bugs me for so many reasons. Admittedly, as someone who does benefit from boomer subsidies, I worry that people will think I don’t work hard, or that I just squander my money. But also, we’re living in challenging times, and it seems to me the sharing of wealth among generations of a family just makes sense.
“The economic conditions are just not there for people to thrive. It’s not a failure to launch. It’s a failure of our economy to help people,” says Allison Tait, a law professor at the University of Richmond and the author of The Inheritance Imagination, a newsletter all about the things we inherit.
But even if we were living in a moment of economic growth that benefited everyone, parents would still be helping their adult kids because, as Alicia pointed out as she was helping me edit this essay, this isn’t a new idea. Boomers weren’t the first to support their kids into adulthood, and they won’t be the last.
Shifting the Narrative
There’s also the fear that if you lavish your child with too much love, money, and attention, they’ll become spoiled brats who suffer from affluenza. There’s a 2019 New York Times article with the subhead, “While helping to support young adults might seem like the compassionate choice, it can often do more harm than good.” The piece starts with an anecdote about the son of a hedge fund manager who murdered his father over a money dispute. Talk about a parent’s worst nightmare!
The media loves to unearth these stories because they are so titillating. But it is possible to be generous with your family—pay for their education, cosign their first apartment lease, give them $50 for a cab ride home—and still raise resilient, grateful children who become independent adults with a strong work ethic and good financial habits.
Financial expert Linda Davis Taylor, who is the mother of two grown daughters, suggests we shift the narrative from “giving” to “sharing family money.” The word “giving,” she argues, has a sense of obligation, and when parents are able to provide financially for their adult children, there’s always a fear of entitlement. But sharing resources is something you committed to the minute you decided to have a child, Linda says. Providing for them—emotionally and financially—is part of your legacy.
And, Linda asks, isn’t that what all parents want? “Even my most cynical friends would say that if you’re a parent, you’re interested in the growth and well-being of your children.”
Also, as hedge fund manager Bill Perkins points out in his book Die With Zero, it’s not like you can take that money with you. We’re taught to squirrel away our fortunes so we have enough to live on in old age, and yet none of us know when we’re going to die. Wouldn’t we be better off spending our resources—time and money—on loved ones while we can enjoy it together?
Perkins’ advice: Make a plan for your money and start using it now, when it can have the greatest impact, and you can witness firsthand the joy and support the fruits of your labor can provide your loved ones.
But How Do We Get Over These Bad Feelings?
Of course, I recognize that not everyone comes from a supportive family where generosity is part of the DNA. And sometimes parents use their wealth as a way to exert control over their adult children. I think often of the Home Ec published this summer about the young couple in Maine. They settled hundreds of miles from her parents in a small effort to establish their independence. At the same time, they were still accepting cash gifts from the wife’s father, an accountant who had strong feelings on how the couple should spend his money. The writer shared that her dad had no problem paying to replace all the windows on their house (he also cosigned their mortgage), but she wasn’t sure he would be so keen on her using his money for child care when her baby arrives later this year.
You may also have wonderful parents who are generous in spirit but aren’t in the position to provide financial support to their adult children. Much is made of the wealth of boomers, and yet like every generation, it’s plagued by income inequality. A 2024 study by ALI Retirement Income Institute found that 53% of Americans over 65 don’t have adequate savings for retirement and expect to primarily live on Social Security. Your mom and dad might want to give you the world, but their financial reality could be much more limited. You may be the one caring for them as they age.
If you are someone who has controlling parents or parents who don’t have the means to support you, I get why hearing about others who do enjoy the boomer subsidies might piss you off. Life is pretty unfair, and we get zero input on who our parents are. It makes sense that those of us who benefit from parental help might feel guilty. But guilt and shame aren’t productive emotions.
I asked my friend Aja Evans, a financial therapist, how we might stop feeling embarrassed about getting parental support and start being honest about it.
First of all, you really do have to acknowledge your privilege, says Aja. Often, people hear the word “privilege” and think it doesn’t apply to them because they aren’t millionaires. But race plays a part in this, as does gender. Once you own your privilege, you can start to have gratitude for the wealth and the benefits it provides you.
We would all benefit from having more open and honest conversations about our privilege, even if it makes us feel super awkward. You know I love to shine a spotlight on those money topics that we’ve been told we aren’t supposed to discuss in polite company.
Linda points out that this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday could be the perfect time to start these conversations, whether you’re a parent who wants to have an open discussion with your adult children about your finances (and theirs), or you want to know how your parents are thinking about money in their retirement. And it doesn’t need to be awkward or blunt. Start by sharing stories. Ask your parents about their earliest money memories. Discuss your family’s philosophy on life. And while you might not want to get into the topic of living wills and trust funds over dinner, do try to find a time to have these more challenging conversations.
May I also suggest that you start talking about your family money situation with friends? I know it might be weird at first, but it could also be enlightening. Ideally, it will help you identify and appreciate your own privilege and start laying the groundwork for how you develop your own money philosophy that you share with your children and grandchildren. That’s the kind of emotional wealth we can all benefit from, regardless of how much money we have in the bank.
Please comment with kindness!
Additional Reading
As I often do when writing these longer essays, I spoke to so many people, and it was hard to fit it all in. A big thank-you to David Roberts, who writes one of my favorite newsletters, Sparks from Culture, where he very openly discusses his wealth. His newsletter is a fascinating read, and I always appreciate his candor.
Allison Tait introduced me to the book Inheritocracy by historian and bestselling author Eliza Filby. Her focus is on how young adults in the U.K. benefit from the bank of mom and dad, and she recently wrote an essay about the differences she sees between the U.S. and the U.K.
Linda Davis Taylor told me about the work of James E. Hughes, who wrote the book Complete Family Wealth: Wealth as Well-Being. He encourages people to think about qualitative as well as quantitative wealth, and I really loved that reframing.
If you’re a parent looking to figure out how to raise financially thoughtful children, I highly recommend my friend Bobbi Rebell’s book Launching Financial Grownups. She’s an expert on this topic!
