My son’s winter break is 12 long days this year, and while I’m looking forward to a few lazy afternoons watching movies, playing board games, reading books, and just chilling, the sad reality is that’s going to get very old, very fast—at least for him. I’m anticipating hearing a lot of “I’m bored, Mama! What should I do?!” despite the fact that he received 500 new Lego sets for Christmas.
I wish I had a good answer to that question—and if you’ve got any nifty solutions (that do not involve arts and crafts; frankly, I do not have an arts-and-crafty kid), drop them in the comments, because I’m sure other parents would like to know, too.
During this season of extreme parenting, I find it comforting to both commiserate with and seek advice from other moms and dads in the trenches. And so, what better time to re-read old editions of Division of Labor to see how other families make it work?
I’ve rounded up five of my favorite “parenting hacks”—a question that I didn’t even introduce until Marc Typo and his wife, Maya, shared a day in their very busy lives. (At the time they were working and parenting full time with no paid childcare support!)
Now none of these hacks are really about the kids—they are about how you as a parent can make tweaks that make your life better, whether that’s planning day dates with your partner or learning to let go of the guilt. And sure, on the surface it might seem like they won’t solve the problem of how to entertain your kids for the 10-plus days that school is out, but these hacks can make a big difference in helping you to become a more resilient parent.
Give yourself permission to take time off
Katherine and Brian, parents to two school-aged kids
“We prioritize time off and hobbies! We both actively encourage the other to take time to meet up with friends or go out for evening/weekend activities. It makes both of us much happier, which in turn makes the hard parts of parenting and work feel much more manageable.”
Lindsey Stanberry
Day dates!
L’Oreal and Jeff, parents to a toddler, Violet
“Given the cost of babysitters in our area ($20–$25/hour), we often opt for day dates whenever the calendar aligns that daycare is in session but we’re off for the day. It only happens a few times a year, but recently this fell on Juneteenth. We went for coffee, saw the new Bad Boys movie, and then went to lunch. I got the idea from a college friend who says she and her husband take off one day per quarter (or month?) when the kids are in school to go on a day date. Definitely saves money while also giving us the chance to reconnect outside of the day-to-day responsibilities!”
Lindsey Stanberry
Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be
Amrita and Andrew, platonic life partners and co-parents to a toddler, Aadi
“Avoid complex parenting ‘strategies’ or trendy, labor-intensive ‘systems.’ Saves a ton of time and a load of anxiety about not doing things ‘correctly.’ Downloading an app to track the baby wake windows? Nah. We do enough data entry running our business! Is the baby sometimes awake and other times asleep? Good enough!
“The rule of thumb we try to follow about faddish parenting strategies—and when deciding what’s worth worrying over—is to ask ourselves: ‘What problem is this trying to solve? Is it ACTUALLY a problem?’”
Lindsey Stanberry
Stop feeling guilty! And spend $$ on good support!
Anna Davies, single mom to a school-aged child, Lucy
“I do not have time to feel guilty! When my daughter was younger, I was traveling four to six times a year for work, and I found and invested in a good overnight babysitter. Those trips were wildly expensive, but they were an overall investment in my career and ‘worth it.’”
Lindsey Stanberry
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Marc and Maya, parents to a toddler, Myles
“Maya and I have had many conversations about finances, parenting, and household responsibilities. We call them family meetings, and they usually happen over Sunday breakfast. It’s a low-stakes setting that allows us to plan for the week and share what’s been coming up for us. Having this time set aside helps us, especially in the heat of the moment when the baby is being demanding and we are exhausted. Sunday morning is the time we get to pour into one another, check in, and set the tone for the week.”
Lindsey Stanberry
This is a marathon, people!
And it’s okay to take breaks along the way. It’s a whole lot easier when you tap your village, which is my own personal hack—let’s call it #6—and let them lighten your burden.
Other things to remember as we languish in late December: humor is your friend, social media mostly only shows the pretty stuff, you don’t have to be everything to everyone, even good moms yell sometimes, and your kids will go back to school—eventually. And when in doubt, and both have hilarious newsletters with rich archives of relatable parenting content to get you through the “break” if you feel like you might break.
We can do this!
Happy holidays! I’ll be back next week with one last newsletter for 2024!
