Before I dive in today, I want to let you all know I’m on vacation next week, so I won’t be sending my regular Wednesday newsletter. I’m a little nervous to take a week off (my first since January 2024!), but also, as a one-woman show, I know I really need a break. I’ve been assured that you dear readers will appreciate one less email in your inbox, and I hope that’s true. (But I also hope that you miss me!) The Purse will be back on Wednesday, April 23, with a very fun Division of Labor (and hopefully, a well-rested founder).
You might say that my toxic trait is that I love to be busy. I find a full calendar to be exhilarating. I love to go and do. But sometimes (more than I’d like to admit), I overestimate just how much I can get done. And that’s very much the case this winter, when I simply took on too much. The line between happy busy and drowning busy is very fine, but friends, I am completely underwater. My full calendar is no longer exhilarating—it’s terrifying.
While I subscribe to my mother’s belief that the hours in the day expand to fit most everything you need to do, there’s obviously a lot of stuff that just isn’t getting done right now while I’m juggling jobs and school and general life maintenance. I’m embarrassingly behind on email, and I get such a pit in my stomach when the follow-ups start piling up. My apartment is a tidy mess, and I’ve done absolutely zero home organizing in recent months, which is why my son’s giant Lego AT-TE is still parked in our living room. And I’ve pretty much worn the same pair of jeans and sneakers for what feels like 100 days straight because who has time to think of putting together cute outfits? Sadly not me.
Years ago, when Freddy was still a tiny baby, and I had just returned to work after maternity leave, I received a copy of Tiffany Dufu’s book Drop The Ball. I have such a clear memory of reading the introduction on the subway and crying in relief and recognition. In the intro, Tiffany describes the struggle of her breast-milk-soaked first day back to work after her own mat leave, when she realized just how difficult it is to juggle work and family life.
I love Tiffany’s book because, unlike many self-help books, it gives women permission to not strive for perfection. It aims to help us understand that we simply cannot do it all, but we are smart enough to know what our priorities need to be. I once heard a woman say that some balls are glass and some balls are rubber, and it’s a matter of understanding which is which. I’ll add that, for better or worse, the material can constantly be changing. But also, the world doesn’t end if you break a few balls1 along the way, though the mess can be annoying (and sometimes downright difficult) to clean up.
Right now, I’m surrounded by dropped balls. Thankfully, Ken’s been picking up a lot of them. He’s unloading the dishwasher and preparing to go to the grocery store as I write this on a rainy Sunday morning. And while I squirrel away to study this afternoon, he’ll take over primary childcare responsibilities. I asked my mom to help buy some summer clothes for Freddy ahead of our vacation next week (because of course none of last summer’s clothes still fit). And I’m simply resigned that some of those emails I need to send are just going to have to wait until we’re back from our trip. Hopefully everyone will understand.
I take some comfort in knowing I’m not the only one struggling with an overwhelming to-do list. So for this month’s Group Chat, I reached out to some very busy women and asked them to share what balls they are dropping.
Jennifer Cook is a fashion buyer, the mother of the sweetest toddler, and a yoga instructor. Somehow she still finds time to write the delightful newsletter Mom Friend. Aundrea Cline-Thomas is a former broadcast journalist, founder of Mountain Court Media, and creator of The Next Best Thing podcast. Abby Davisson is the founder of the Money and Love Institute, author of Money and Love: An Intelligent Road Map for Life’s Big Decisions, and mother of two boys. Irene Kim is also the mom to two boys, as well as a personal stylist and creator of the newsletter In Moda Veritas.
Sourcing this newsletter was sort of hilarious because I knew I was asking a bunch of busy women to add one more to-do to their plate. Abby has, unfortunately, been a victim of my terrible email habits, and I’m grateful that she is an ace at the gentle nudge. I accidentally sent Aundrea a blank email, and then my follow-up got lost in her inbox, LOL, and when she finally got back to me (right before I was going to send my own nudge), she replied: “I OVERSTAND this assignment!” Haha! And maybe worst of all, Irene sent me her draft in an Instagram DM that I got in the middle of class one evening, and I got distracted and completely forgot to reply for two full days. 🤦♀️
But we all managed to get it done! And I’m so appreciative that they took the time out of their busy schedules, probably letting one ball drop so they could juggle this one.
Jennifer Cook
Here is a non exhaustive list of all the balls I have dropped lately:
- Sending thank-you cards from Christmas (they’re written, and I have the stamps; I just have yet to apply the stamps and put them in the mail)
- Hang drying sweaters
- Responding to just about any nonessential email, work and otherwise
- Buying appropriately sized pajamas for my toddler
- Making balanced meals for her and the family (Mac and cheese again? Why not!)
- Making plans with friends (also, keeping plans with friends)
- Texting anyone back in a timely fashion
- Getting my RealID
- A deadline for a work project that’s already taken me three months
- Updating my car registration (OK this one I really need to get on)
- Planning a trip home
- Scheduling much-needed doctor appointments
At first glance, most of these seem small, and that’s true. There’s nothing truly life-altering on this list, nothing that would get me fired from my job or put my health in jeopardy or my child at risk. Some are certainly more important than others—I’m already preparing to accumulate tickets for that car registration—but for the most part, these are balls that can be dropped, at least for now. Eventually they’ll have to get picked up, and that time will come, when I’m ready and able. But for now, I’m allowing myself grace when something gets missed, or forgotten, or delayed. Or I’m trying to, at least. Practicing kindness towards myself when I’ve dropped balls is, in itself, a ball I frequently drop.
Abby Davisson
My book comes out in paperback this month, so it’s an especially busy time! I’m grateful for the opportunity to promote it, but I also know from prior experience that the adrenaline will eventually subside, leaving me running on fumes if I don’t take proactive steps now.
Here are the balls I’m intentionally dropping in anticipation:
- Planning an elaborate trip for my kids’ spring break. Fortunately, my in-laws live in Southern California, which is a lovely place to visit. I’ve cleared my calendar for the week so I can take real time off (always a challenge when you work for yourself!).
- Throwing a unique party for my younger son’s 10th birthday next month. Fortunately, he wants the same party we threw his older brother recently, and I’m all too happy to wash, rinse, and repeat.
- Purchasing new clothes for the talks I’m giving. I’m a reformed power shopper now on the “Low-buy 2025” train. I’ve been scratching my itch for closet novelty through Rent the Runway, and I have discovered that “hearting” items in the app gives me the same dopamine hit as adding them to my cart (with less of a hit to my wallet).
- Publishing my newsletter every two weeks. In the lead-up to launch, I’ve averaged once a month, and nobody has complained so far—my sense is everyone is happy to get fewer emails!
Aundrea Cline-Thomas
Building a business as a single woman can feel like an Olympic sport. How exactly am I supposed to eat, clean, sleep eight hours, drink enough water, workout, pay NYC bills, save for retirement, network like a boss, maintain a dating life, cultivate hobbies, and nurture relationships with friends and family, all at the same time?
I launched Mountain Court Media in 2022 after a more than 15-year career as an award-winning journalist. Now I provide various communications consulting services from corporate media training to curating live events and producing creative projects. I’m also building a community that helps ambitious professionals navigate career and life transitions. I absolutely love this world I’ve created, but the challenges can be relentless.
Here are some of the balls I’m dropping and picking up lately:
Reconsidering unpaid or low-paid opportunities: When I first launched into entrepreneurship, I said yes to everything. Those experiences gave me exposure and clarity about my path. But this year? I’m saying no to a lot more. The issue isn’t necessarily a time conflict, but balancing the impact on my energy vs. the return on investment.
Working out: I love waking up early and starting my days with a weight-lifting session and prayer. Now, I start my work days very early on my laptop. Walking by the East River while sometimes listening to a sermon on YouTube has become the consolation prize, at least for now.
Cooking: I will make breakfast for myself, but I can’t tell you the last time I actually made a real meal. I live above a grocery store with a wonderful hot bar, and let’s just say the staff knows me well.
Managing everything: Last year, I got really sick after months of intense travel. Up until that point I didn’t think I had enough money to hire help. Now I realize I can’t afford not to. My first move was getting a virtual assistant.
It makes me cringe saying these things out loud. But I refuse to beat myself up. I am a Black woman in America who chose to design her own life rather than accept the limited options others expected me to settle for. Yes, my current rhythm is unsustainable, and I’m actively working on it. But amid the chaos and dropped balls, I am still proud of myself. Each day I show up imperfectly in pursuit of building something meaningful, knowing I am doing the very best that I can.
Irene Kim
Wooboy! How wide are we casting the net?
I’ll start with my day-to-day fumbles. Anything related to the boys’ school has fallen off a cliff. I haven’t gone to or volunteered at a single school-related event or fundraiser this year other than my younger son’s Christmas concert. I can’t remember if my other son had one? Probably not.
In December, I asked the class WhatsApp group about the teacher gift, and learned I had been chatting with parents from the other grade 3 class for three months, not realizing these weren’t my son’s classmates. At least I didn’t do what my friend did: She invited the parents of the other class to her house for holiday cocktails (and didn’t realize until mid-party). At least she met some new people.
These days, I’ve been ordering groceries online 80% of the time. It saves time, but the apps don’t have as much choice as going directly to the supermarket. It also means I go months without hitting the Korean grocery store, so I’m not eating some of my favorite foods. :( I’ve been making really basic meals—like pasta sauce from a jar and defrosted meatballs. I don’t think my family cares that much, but somehow it makes me sad.
This year I committed to teaching my kids piano. They’re 8 and 10 and have had no prior music lessons. I have no expectations—I just want them to learn that music is a language, so when they see a score, they’re not completely clueless. Kudos to me for trying, but as you would guess, I’m lucky if we have a lesson once every two weeks. I don’t enforce practicing either! Is there a point? I would love to hear what your readers think!
What balls have you let drop lately? Let’s celebrate letting go of trying to do it all! Solidarity in the struggle!
Random Extras:
Speaking of Abby’s book, Money and Love, this month I’m giving away a copy to one lucky paid subscriber! I’m also throwing in a classic reusable bag from Baggu, because who doesn’t love a cute tote?!
I want to give a little shoutout to Laura Fenton, whose wonderful book Living Small came out five years ago this week, at the height of the Covid lockdown. I adore Laura and her newsletter, LIVING SMALL, and this book. I’m still a little sad it didn’t get a proper in-person book launch, but I also think it could not have landed at a more perfect time, in a moment when we all got to appreciate our homes even more for the comfort they can bring us. Congrats, Laura!
It feels like everyone has talked about this recent episode of Money with Katie with Kathryn Anne Edwards, but truly it’s an amazing listen. Highly recommend! Also, Katie did a deep dive into tariffs today, and there’s a lot of good info packed in there. (As usual!)
